THE ALGOMAN

Things to do….

1. Have to collect bonafide certificate from student section
2. Get the compiler construction book photocopied
3. Take out money from ATM
And so on….

Well all of us do make umpteen lists of things to do and other such stuff once in a while don’t we..?? And why not, it’s always good to plan out things in advance and keep reminders of little things we wish to do.
But have you ever heard of a guy among any of your friends or even an acquaintance who’s every move in life is governed by a specific set of algorithms.
YES you heard me right!!! An algorithm

Well for those of you NOT into too much mathematics here is a common man’s definition of what an algorithm is:
It is nothing but a distinctive list of well-defined instructions for completing a task; that given an initial state of being, will advance through a progression of successive states, eventually terminating in an end-state.

Yeah, coming back to the real point after a lot of research and every day analysis a couple of my friends and me came to this conclusion that this breed of people actually exist.

One such element was found in Bachelor of Engg. (Information Technology) class of BVP College of Engineering and was identified as Mr X.
The person concerned is so much governed by this phobia of executing every moment of his life by carefully wrapping it around in his algorithm that even very trivial or inconsequential tasks such as attending to the nature’s call or drinking a glass of mineral water (Mind you with our calculations we found out that it costs 0.55 paisa considering a 20 litre can cost Rs. 55 in Katraj) gain considerable importance in his life.

Now even in these kinds of species there exist primarily two types of people. Initially, there were those with deterministic algorithm i.e the ones whose transition from one state to another could be predicted. The ones that came much later (studies reveal birth dates back to 1985 A.D in a small sleepy town of sriganganagar) and whose noxious presence has been found in BVP are those which implement the much dangerous and difficult to determine non deterministic algorithms. These algorithms are those where multiple further specifications are possible without the knowledge of which one will be taken further by the implementing machine or human being (in this case).

Take another instance of his calculative algorithms- in chaotic times such as the preparatory leave when people are running from pillar to post to obtain their very OWN copies of monstrously heavy books like ITM Mr. X has not 1 not 2 but 4 copies of the book at his residence. And when you quiz him how that happens the answer comes back to you in the form of a shy school boy smile right out of his adolescence.

Not just this-there are those times as well when Mr. X’s relatives come knocking at his door during his practical exams and he has no choice but to attend to them. But even after that on one hand there are those who FLUNK in the exam after talking tuition worth a full 3000 bucks and there is the algorithmic creature who comes out of lab 10-a smiling (Not to forget his red tie blowing in the wind.… ;-))

Aaaahh…..and how can we forget the incident when Mr. X stole a brand new 512 MB DDR RAM from a cyber café at F.C.Road only to courier it back to the café owner a couple of months later. Reason? He scored terribly low marks in his ITL practical by his standard which was the result of his preparing for the same using the stolen RAM.

To just give you a glimpse of where it all started and how these algorithms came into existence (or at least that is what I think) let me take you into the past….

A couple of years back when Mr. X failed miserably in life (In this context life means the little sheet of paper you get 2 months after your semester exams telling you just how good or BAD you have fared in your exams; its always been the LATTER for me) along with 5 of his other friends he decided to have a PARTY. Now just as all his things have a “hidden” meaning, it was not a usual party as many of you (even we thought the same) might think. He put large printouts of positive motivational messages on the wall and all of us were made to read them till we gave in to the large amount of water coloured liquid that we guzzled down our throats.

Two years later, we realize that for us it has just been the same (in the sense that now we guzzle down not just water colored but ROOH-AFZA coloured liquids as well) but the algorithmic path treaded by him coupled with those LARGER THAN LIFE messages on the wall gave him the requisite results.

There are a zillion other such experimental evidences that I can tell u about (ok…that’s a little exaggerated) but unfortunately cannot due to paucity of space that has substantiated our theoretical research for these sorts of species and we would really like to thank Mr. X for this. As a matter of fact, because of our undying love for this specie we have given him the scientific name THE ALGOMAN by which he is popularly known in and around the campus.

Sankalp Khanna
An ardent admirer of the ALGOMAN


ADVISORY: Anyone attempting to emulate the ALGOMAN or any of his algorithms will certainly do so at his or her own risk. Past attempts by students to do so have only brought them further failures. I expressly disclaim to the maximum limit permissible by law, all responsibility for any loss, injury, liability or damage of any kind resulting from and arising out of following him. This research was a very personal work of the group involved and does not reflect upon what is or maybe correct.